nothing was the same
by hedabellamy
Summary: rewrite of what i wanted to happen when bellamy talked to clarke in 3x05. first piece of writing. spoilers for 3x05. oneshot.


_hey so this is my first bellarke fanfiction! i did my best to rewrite what happened in this weeks episode, because i was MAD at that plot twist. sort of spoilers for 3x05 i guess._

 _{word count: 1 339}_

When Bellamy sees Clarke standing in front of him, he doesn't know how to react. His former co-leader, his former _best friend_ , who he didn't quite have a formal reunion with.

"Now, I'm done." He hears Octavia say behind him, although his eyes don't stray from Clarke, who stares him down right back.

He turns to face Octavia, but she's already out the door, closing it shut. He looks back at Clarke, whose face shows no emotion.

"Go easy on Octavia." Clarke says with a softness in her voice. "I had to beg her to get me into camp."

"What are you doing here, Clarke?" Bellamy questions. He doesn't want to be angry or upset...but he is.

"We need to talk." Clarke answers.

"Oh," Bellamy quipped. "You decided that. The _mighty_ Wanheda, who chose the Grounders over her own people. Who turned her back on us, when we came to rescue you, n _ow_ you wanna talk?"

Clarke takes a breath before answering. She knew that he was going to be angry. "I came here to tell you that the Ice Nation has paid a price." She pauses. "Justice has been served for the attack on Mount Weather. I came to tell you...it's over."

Bellamy, however, is smirking.

"There it is again." He says, anger showing in his voice. He looks up so he can see her face, the face he waited to see for _three months._ "Why do _you_ get to decide that it's over?"

"We did our part." She whispers. Bellamy stares at her. " _We_?"

"Lexa and I..." She pauses again, knowing talking about Lexa could make Bellamy angry. "The Ice Queen is dead. The problem was solved and then you let Pike ruin everything!"

Bellamy steps closer to Clarke. She stands there, staring right back at him.

"Why are you here, Clarke?" Bellamy asked.

"Arkadia needs to make things right." She answers. "Or Lexa and the 12 clans will wipe us out."

"Let her try."

Clarke is stunned. She shakes her head slightly before answering.

" _Please_ tell me," she pleads, "that going into war is _not_ what you want!"

Bellamy looks at the ground, and then back up at her. He doesn't want war, he never wanted war. There is an uncomfortable silence until Bellamy speaks up.

"We've been at war since we landed." Bellamy claims. "At least Pike understands that."

"Pike is the PROBLEM!" Clarke interjects, desperation showing in her eyes, her voice, everything. "This isn't who you are!"

"You're wrong. This is who I've _always_ been. And I let you, and Octavia and Kane convince me that we could trust these people, when they have shown over and _over_ who they are. And I won't let anyone else die for that mistake."

"Bellamy..." Clarke struggles to word how she's feeling. This isn't the Bellamy she remembers.

She shakes her head slightly before continuing.

"I need you. And we don't have much time."

Bellamy stares at her, her words visibly affecting him.

"You need me." He says, voice sour with anger and feelings of betrayal.

"Yes. I do. I need the guy..." She's so desperate for the old Bellamy that she fumbles with her words. "who wouldn't let me pull that lever in Mount Weather _by myself_."

Bellamy glares. "You _left_ me." His anger is more so being overcome by his sadness. "You left everyone."

He struggles to keep calm. He can't understand how Clarke doesn't realize how much her leaving affected everyone, affected _him._

"Bellamy-"

He can't hold it in anymore. "ENOUGH, Clarke!" He explodes. Clarke takes a step back. "You're not in charge here, and that's a _good_ thing because people die when you're in charge."

They both begin to tear up. Clarke opens her mouth to respond but Bellamy cuts her off.

"And you were willing to let a bomb drop on my _sister_." His voice cracks and shakes. "Then, you made a deal with _Lexa_ who left us in Mount Weather to die and forced us to kill e _veryone_ who helped us. People who trusted me."

"I-"

" _No,_ Clarke. I'm not done yet." Bellamy stops resisting and lets his tears stream down his cheeks. "You have no fucking idea how much it hurt when you left. Nothing was the same. Did you even think about what everyone else was feeling?" Bellamy yells, knowing even if he wanted to stop, he couldn't. "I helped you pull that lever. I felt the same pain you did. Those lives were on me just as much as they were on you, only you took the coward's way out, and I stepped up and _dealt with it._ "

"You know what, Bellamy?" Clarke stepped up right to him, barely any space in between them, tears streaming down her face "I know I took the coward's way out. You aren't the first person to tell me that. But what I did wasn't _betraying_ anyone. I was broken. I had to kill my first love and all of the people in Mount Weather. Just because the Ice Nation, _one clan_ , screwed you over, you're going to hate all of them? You know why Trikru attacked when we first came to earth. We were new. They didn't know what we were or if we were a threat. And we attacked right back! We're not innocent, Bellamy!" She begins to sob, and Bellamy bites his lip to not scream.

"Lincoln is your friend. You spared Indra. I know you felt something besides relief when you killed them all! I know _you,_ Bellamy. You put everyone before yourself, and I envy that, but right now, you're being selfish."

"MY GIRLFRIEND DIED IN MOUNT WEATHER!" Bellamy screams, tears streaming faster. Clarke's eyes widen. "Bellamy, I didn't-"

"I know you didn't. She died the day the Ice Nation blew up Mount Weather. The day I asked you to come home. Clarke, I needed my best friend. I needed _you._ And I know it's selfish, but I'm broken too."

Clarke looks at him, _really_ looks at him. His hair is disheveled, and his face is bright red, and his eyes are filled with pure pain and sadness. He sniffs and turns away. She can't believe how oblivious she had been to his feelings. She sat down on a box by the table and clasped her hands together. Bellamy crosses his arms and sniffs once again, his throat hurting with the amount of yelling that just happened. He takes a shaky breath.

"Bellamy, I'm so, so sorry for leaving." Clarke says, hiccuping and sounding shaky. He turns to look at her. "But..I knew I could. Because they had you." She whispers, another tear streaming down her cheek and landing on her hands. "Please, _please_ think through Pike's decisions."

She's right. Deep down, he knows that not all Grounders are the same. For crying out loud, Lexa sent an army for the sole purpose of _protecting_ Arkadia. They killed the wounded. There was _wounded._ They might have even been wounded protecting them.

Realization strikes Bellamy.

He walks towards Clarke and kneels at her feet. He takes her hands and his, and strokes her hand with his thumb. Clarke looks at him and smiled.

"I'm sorry too, Clarke."

She nods at him, another tear streaming down her cheek as she grips onto his hands. "I know we can fix this." She whispers to him.

They stare at each other for what feels like eternity when Clarke throws herself into Bellamy and holds him like it's the last time she'll ever see him again. He wraps his arms around her and she presses her lips into his shoulder. She missed the smell of him. She missed _him._

"We have to fix this," Bellamy mutters. "We have to."


End file.
